Nothing more to tell.
Nothing more to tell her.
Last night was Becky's birthday, it was also the day I arrived back from Sydney - it was a long day.
A quick summary.
Arrived back to SFO at 3pm got a lyft to mission/Bi rite icecream to pickup 'salted caramel' (Becky's favourite for dessert/bday cake alternative) then got home. Drove straight to butcher and got quality beef/steak for the pie was going to create + went to safeway to get bits and pieces. Then I spent about 1 hour prepping and making the pie which I then left for 2.5hours to simmer. After which I then put pastry on top and put it in the oven - Becky arrived around 8.30ish (I think) and by that time the pie was pretty much done. It turned out to be the best pie I have ever made - the meat was super tender + pastry cooked properly + the texture of the sauce inside the pie was perfect. Becky said she loved it too.
Anyway back to the other stuff.
Becky and I have been talking about lots of stuff recently - ie: really talking about this and that, basically emotionally connecting on many issues or at least speaking about how we feel about scenarios etc - which is really nice because I wasn't a good listener before. I'm working hard on this and really showing her I care. So it came to a point where she said she really wanted to know who I was with as it will help her move on. Now earlier, like 4 weeks ago, she asked the same thing and I was put on the spot and the first thing that came out of my mouth was "it is a friend of friend and I will never see them again". I said this for a few things because my thought process was to say something quickly which will not hurt her. So that's what I said which was not correct. She knew the person.
So last night about 1am she said she really wanted to know. I kept reinforcing that the person is insignificant to me (which they are) and that I only did it because I didn't think we would ever get back together and that I wanted to see what it was like to be with another to try and get over her - which are all the real reasons. Anyway due to the nature of the person it was I didn't think it was good to tell her and i didn't think any good would come of it, only bad. Becky is a details person and I knew she would continually go over and over the scenario in her head. But she wouldn't give up on knowing who it was. She said if she knew and she would never see the person then she could throw away this memory and move on.
As she knew the person (but didn't actually know she did know) I didn't want to tell her. But I couldn't sleep and about 2 hrs later (3am) I got on fb and spoke to a friend in Sydney about it who said that because its insignificant to me and meant nothing its better to just tell her - otherwise these things could come up in the future like 1-2 years later and that would even be worse.
So I told her. I was crying so hard it was like 3am+ I hadn't slept properly in days due to just flying back and being so busy in the afternoon with cooking etc. But I told her, I bared my soul. I have nothing inside she doesn't know. I have nothing more to say. She completely knows me, my soul, my mind and has my heart.
There is nothing more to do for her. I need to give her time. I will pray. I will pray every day until she speaks to me again. I will pray for her to forgive me. I will pray for her to see a future for us. I will pray I get to hold her again in my arms. Hold her knowing she has forgiven me, knowing she loves me again, knowing she wants a future with me..
I say the following that somehow will reach her heart, mind and soul....
Please come back to me my love. I pray to god, please come back to me. There is no need to think about the past - there is nothing you don't know now. Please forgive me and we can think only of the future.
This song sums it up well: http://grooveshark.com/s/I+Do/6MfMrs?src=5
I need to be patient now and give Becky space. I need to let her process all this information and hopefully let her heart feel my truth.
I shared this with Becky recently which I wrote: Show them how big your heart is. Illustrate your love with empathy. For they will understand when they see your truth.
There is nothing more to tell.
Last night was Becky's birthday, it was also the day I arrived back from Sydney - it was a long day.
A quick summary.
Arrived back to SFO at 3pm got a lyft to mission/Bi rite icecream to pickup 'salted caramel' (Becky's favourite for dessert/bday cake alternative) then got home. Drove straight to butcher and got quality beef/steak for the pie was going to create + went to safeway to get bits and pieces. Then I spent about 1 hour prepping and making the pie which I then left for 2.5hours to simmer. After which I then put pastry on top and put it in the oven - Becky arrived around 8.30ish (I think) and by that time the pie was pretty much done. It turned out to be the best pie I have ever made - the meat was super tender + pastry cooked properly + the texture of the sauce inside the pie was perfect. Becky said she loved it too.
Anyway back to the other stuff.
Becky and I have been talking about lots of stuff recently - ie: really talking about this and that, basically emotionally connecting on many issues or at least speaking about how we feel about scenarios etc - which is really nice because I wasn't a good listener before. I'm working hard on this and really showing her I care. So it came to a point where she said she really wanted to know who I was with as it will help her move on. Now earlier, like 4 weeks ago, she asked the same thing and I was put on the spot and the first thing that came out of my mouth was "it is a friend of friend and I will never see them again". I said this for a few things because my thought process was to say something quickly which will not hurt her. So that's what I said which was not correct. She knew the person.
So last night about 1am she said she really wanted to know. I kept reinforcing that the person is insignificant to me (which they are) and that I only did it because I didn't think we would ever get back together and that I wanted to see what it was like to be with another to try and get over her - which are all the real reasons. Anyway due to the nature of the person it was I didn't think it was good to tell her and i didn't think any good would come of it, only bad. Becky is a details person and I knew she would continually go over and over the scenario in her head. But she wouldn't give up on knowing who it was. She said if she knew and she would never see the person then she could throw away this memory and move on.
As she knew the person (but didn't actually know she did know) I didn't want to tell her. But I couldn't sleep and about 2 hrs later (3am) I got on fb and spoke to a friend in Sydney about it who said that because its insignificant to me and meant nothing its better to just tell her - otherwise these things could come up in the future like 1-2 years later and that would even be worse.
So I told her. I was crying so hard it was like 3am+ I hadn't slept properly in days due to just flying back and being so busy in the afternoon with cooking etc. But I told her, I bared my soul. I have nothing inside she doesn't know. I have nothing more to say. She completely knows me, my soul, my mind and has my heart.
There is nothing more to do for her. I need to give her time. I will pray. I will pray every day until she speaks to me again. I will pray for her to forgive me. I will pray for her to see a future for us. I will pray I get to hold her again in my arms. Hold her knowing she has forgiven me, knowing she loves me again, knowing she wants a future with me..
I say the following that somehow will reach her heart, mind and soul....
Please come back to me my love. I pray to god, please come back to me. There is no need to think about the past - there is nothing you don't know now. Please forgive me and we can think only of the future.
This song sums it up well: http://grooveshark.com/s/I+Do/6MfMrs?src=5
I need to be patient now and give Becky space. I need to let her process all this information and hopefully let her heart feel my truth.
I shared this with Becky recently which I wrote: Show them how big your heart is. Illustrate your love with empathy. For they will understand when they see your truth.
There is nothing more to tell.
posted by Joely at 9:19 am
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home