Type.
Lately, blogspot, which is the host of this blog seems to be quite restrictive. I have been on here for many years now and it does feel like its time for a change to an extent.
Two other blogging platforms ive heard/read about are wordpress and tumblr. Ill have to do a little more research before moving over to one of these as I have such an archive here of old stuff.
So today I called in sick. its the first time I have called in sick for this job. So thats 1 sick day in 1 year, which aint too bad i dont think.
Today consisted of, getting up about 6.50amish, trying to poo, stretching for about 5mins, eating nutrigrain, calling work to tell them im sick, going back to bed and then waking up about 2.20pm. From there, I got up, checked the net a bit, then back to bed, woke up about 4pmish and decided to have some pumpking soup with bread. Then it was time in front of the tv, watched programs which were average, fell asleep on the couch, woke up and watched the news, ran out of tissues, decided i should eat dinner, ordered thai, struggled to drive and fill up the car with petrol, went to coles to get pannadol and tissues (the aloe vera ones are a god send), ate dinner, watched the end of survivor and a documentary on whales, successfully did a poo, put on 'cloud control - bliss release' album and now I am here now.
Fun day?
Well i certainly slept a lot didnt I. Last night I had the strangest dreams and kept waking up in my own sweat. I hate that. Your like so warm and then wake up in the cold sweat and try to get warm again....I Had dreams of work, dreams of making a documentary about central/aboriginal Australia. My mind just would not turn off last night, which is so strange because i was so tired.
I swear i use to be nicer. To women that is. Im so much more direct, which certainly isnt a bad thing. But i use to care alot more. Well i dont think its 'care' as such. Maybe I just had more space for women and now I dont. Maybe im more defined. Maybe im just more scared? Who knows. But i am bloody spoiled when it comes to them. I feel kind of guilty about how lucky I am in that sense. I cant figure it out really. I just be totally honest with them (there isnt more than 1 by the way) and it works. Seems very simple. A little too simple. Its like i have it on tap. Which is cool i guess? But i get consumed very easy. Surprisingly as it might sound i am a very loyal person, so its hard for me to be with more than one person at a time. That comes down to respect energy for more than one other person. I have been putting a lot of energy into work more than anything, but there comes a time when even if you do concentrate on one thing you can be distracted. And thats my Achilles heal.
Last year I feel I had more direction?. Maybe thats not the right way to say it. I have direction now, its just I executed the direction more? that even sounds shit. Thats right, I didnt get distracted last year. I was a fucking machine. 6months no day off. Didnt worry me the slightest. Study, work, study, work, more study no play. Didnt phase me. I was a fucking machine. It was nice having that motivation. Its so pure thinking of nothing else. Pure focus. I had never had it before unless i was climbing a mountain or doing something physical. I guess thats why i like to be active....the focus you feel. Your not distracted. You are there and nothing else.
I just made a chai tea with honey and now i have lost my focus lol. Im sure i was going somewhere. Hmmm....I have these Lindt Lindor chocolates my friend, Jess, gave me as a present at my party. They are quite amazing. The center of them is a different softer textured chocolate....so they melt in your mouth.
Tea + Lindt chocolate = :)
Jess is a cool chick. I actually met her years ago through JB when i was selling computers. She was just a random customer who had an accent that thus made me more interested. She's originally from Peru and it was cool speaking to her after i had gotten back from that trip. Thats one good thing about travelling, is how you can relate to more people.......hhmmm.
So with work. First day calling in sick. Ironically enough it was also my first day in a new position lol. Calling in on the first day of a new position? classic? Not the best start haha.....but it was legit and I am sick so im sure they understand. Some shit just does not make much sense.
In the big picture of shit, your work doesnt really mean shit, but when your in that world it does, and thus taking sick days can be frowned upon, or maybe you get sick because of the stress from work? Life work balance, just isnt really true for the majority of people and i can not understand that. Its just not logical. I dont want to be one of 'those' people. Like do you really have to work more than 12hours a go ALL the time? what the fuck is that? Thats not right on any level. Sure if you want to work that much you can, but to be put under the type of pressure to actually work that? Who makes these fucking rules. Society can be seriously fucked, miss guided, illogical, and just plain wrong.
I dont laugh at people who live on those retreats up north, i feel that some of us should do that. Learn real skills. I find it wierd that i cant built a house, but i can build a computer, that i cant fish but i can diagnose a RAM problem, that i dont have a garden but have 3 computers a wireless network and a webcam, that I can listen to music from over 2500 artists right here right now, but cant find time to listen to them.
I am to blame for some of these things and i can change them too, and i will dont worry.
People keep throwing money at me. Its weird. I should state, thats my new job/role. Im not sure what amount yet and i will accept it, but like i feel its a justification for not having a life maybe? Maybe not that harsh. I do work hard, im honest, reliable and all that jazz, but i find it just amazing how much people get paid for certain jobs and how some get for others. Its totally wrongly and amazingly screwed. But as you know, you can't juts do it for the money. Well i cant. I cant see the reason for it. Do it for the challenge. If your good at your job you should be paid well.
I have always believed, that when you find what your meant to do, then you will be successful at it and from that success money can follow. But again you dont do it for any other reason that its what you want to do. I find it hard that anyone will be successful in something they do not believe in.
So a few years ago after south america I had a few insights in what i wanted to do. You could even call these goals, but i dont want to label it with business speak, which is something i did to everything for 3 years at uni.
I wanted to have formal education in IT/computers.
I wanted to work in the IT world
I wanted to work in the IT world where you actually make a slight difference on people.
The education/working in IT world are basically completed. I never thought how quick they would come. Its was crazy how quick. 6months after making that decision it happened. I felt it came down to that i had made the right decision and the decision meant for me. I had made a hobby into a job, for starters a lot of people never even get that far.
Still there are 2 more 'goals' i need in this area. These are to complete my Diploma (part-time) and to then complete a Bachelors of Technology. I need a degree in IT for people to take me seriously. I dont really even care about that really, I just feel its the thing that i want, for no other reason other then thats what i want. cop that. I might of repeated myself there.
So fuck. Now I want to work in an IT company which makes a slight difference to how people live. Does that mean google? DOD? which companies do that? Ill put it on paper now that i want to be the CIO of a government organisation like ausaid. Maybe not the CIO but a senior manager in tech for a company like that.
You have to blend what you feel is right to the society you have been brought up in. Well maybe not for all people, but thats what i feel like i must do. Since travelling, I realize i cant not change the world for everyone. Be that a realization or something. But what I can do, as I come from such a fortunate background, is do what i can whilst doing something which I like, which is IT. So thats my direction, thats my motivation, thats my area, thats my mission, thats my right of way, thats my truth, thats me.
!SPACE:>
Lately i have been thinking about past relationships, past people, past everything. It has actually been getting to me a bit. Not sure why now. Maybe because I've been a bit of a pit or something. I feel i can do more, just i need more inspiration ....more of something. Cant get distracted. Dont want to get distracted. Just me, its just me in here. Solid. Firm. Me. Dont want anyone else....but then you do sometimes need someone else and that my friends in the catch 22. Well maybe you dont. But i am a sucker. Not sure. Hmm.. Sometimes it makes sense.
So yeah ive been thinking about past relationships about if i have change, if they have changed, how they are going. Its so good to see one of your old partners going so well. Its funny, because im not sure if i can ever read them right or not. But i do feel like they are really becoming themselves....really blossoming for lack of a better word. When your with someone, you see the potential they have and what they can do and its always sad when you do think that you might be holding that person back. It takes a lot to admit your not good for someone else even though you love them more than anything. Now i see them and they are so much freer and so much more themselves than ever before. Sometimes i feel jealous of this, im not sure why? maybe its because thats who you wanted them to be....when you were with them? maybe your just very selfish, but overall you are happy for them. Because they are who they are. And thats what matters.
Im tired. Im going to bed.
nn.
Cloud Control - Bliss Release. .au release. get.it.now.
Two other blogging platforms ive heard/read about are wordpress and tumblr. Ill have to do a little more research before moving over to one of these as I have such an archive here of old stuff.
So today I called in sick. its the first time I have called in sick for this job. So thats 1 sick day in 1 year, which aint too bad i dont think.
Today consisted of, getting up about 6.50amish, trying to poo, stretching for about 5mins, eating nutrigrain, calling work to tell them im sick, going back to bed and then waking up about 2.20pm. From there, I got up, checked the net a bit, then back to bed, woke up about 4pmish and decided to have some pumpking soup with bread. Then it was time in front of the tv, watched programs which were average, fell asleep on the couch, woke up and watched the news, ran out of tissues, decided i should eat dinner, ordered thai, struggled to drive and fill up the car with petrol, went to coles to get pannadol and tissues (the aloe vera ones are a god send), ate dinner, watched the end of survivor and a documentary on whales, successfully did a poo, put on 'cloud control - bliss release' album and now I am here now.
Fun day?
Well i certainly slept a lot didnt I. Last night I had the strangest dreams and kept waking up in my own sweat. I hate that. Your like so warm and then wake up in the cold sweat and try to get warm again....I Had dreams of work, dreams of making a documentary about central/aboriginal Australia. My mind just would not turn off last night, which is so strange because i was so tired.
I swear i use to be nicer. To women that is. Im so much more direct, which certainly isnt a bad thing. But i use to care alot more. Well i dont think its 'care' as such. Maybe I just had more space for women and now I dont. Maybe im more defined. Maybe im just more scared? Who knows. But i am bloody spoiled when it comes to them. I feel kind of guilty about how lucky I am in that sense. I cant figure it out really. I just be totally honest with them (there isnt more than 1 by the way) and it works. Seems very simple. A little too simple. Its like i have it on tap. Which is cool i guess? But i get consumed very easy. Surprisingly as it might sound i am a very loyal person, so its hard for me to be with more than one person at a time. That comes down to respect energy for more than one other person. I have been putting a lot of energy into work more than anything, but there comes a time when even if you do concentrate on one thing you can be distracted. And thats my Achilles heal.
Last year I feel I had more direction?. Maybe thats not the right way to say it. I have direction now, its just I executed the direction more? that even sounds shit. Thats right, I didnt get distracted last year. I was a fucking machine. 6months no day off. Didnt worry me the slightest. Study, work, study, work, more study no play. Didnt phase me. I was a fucking machine. It was nice having that motivation. Its so pure thinking of nothing else. Pure focus. I had never had it before unless i was climbing a mountain or doing something physical. I guess thats why i like to be active....the focus you feel. Your not distracted. You are there and nothing else.
I just made a chai tea with honey and now i have lost my focus lol. Im sure i was going somewhere. Hmmm....I have these Lindt Lindor chocolates my friend, Jess, gave me as a present at my party. They are quite amazing. The center of them is a different softer textured chocolate....so they melt in your mouth.
Tea + Lindt chocolate = :)
Jess is a cool chick. I actually met her years ago through JB when i was selling computers. She was just a random customer who had an accent that thus made me more interested. She's originally from Peru and it was cool speaking to her after i had gotten back from that trip. Thats one good thing about travelling, is how you can relate to more people.......hhmmm.
So with work. First day calling in sick. Ironically enough it was also my first day in a new position lol. Calling in on the first day of a new position? classic? Not the best start haha.....but it was legit and I am sick so im sure they understand. Some shit just does not make much sense.
In the big picture of shit, your work doesnt really mean shit, but when your in that world it does, and thus taking sick days can be frowned upon, or maybe you get sick because of the stress from work? Life work balance, just isnt really true for the majority of people and i can not understand that. Its just not logical. I dont want to be one of 'those' people. Like do you really have to work more than 12hours a go ALL the time? what the fuck is that? Thats not right on any level. Sure if you want to work that much you can, but to be put under the type of pressure to actually work that? Who makes these fucking rules. Society can be seriously fucked, miss guided, illogical, and just plain wrong.
I dont laugh at people who live on those retreats up north, i feel that some of us should do that. Learn real skills. I find it wierd that i cant built a house, but i can build a computer, that i cant fish but i can diagnose a RAM problem, that i dont have a garden but have 3 computers a wireless network and a webcam, that I can listen to music from over 2500 artists right here right now, but cant find time to listen to them.
I am to blame for some of these things and i can change them too, and i will dont worry.
People keep throwing money at me. Its weird. I should state, thats my new job/role. Im not sure what amount yet and i will accept it, but like i feel its a justification for not having a life maybe? Maybe not that harsh. I do work hard, im honest, reliable and all that jazz, but i find it just amazing how much people get paid for certain jobs and how some get for others. Its totally wrongly and amazingly screwed. But as you know, you can't juts do it for the money. Well i cant. I cant see the reason for it. Do it for the challenge. If your good at your job you should be paid well.
I have always believed, that when you find what your meant to do, then you will be successful at it and from that success money can follow. But again you dont do it for any other reason that its what you want to do. I find it hard that anyone will be successful in something they do not believe in.
So a few years ago after south america I had a few insights in what i wanted to do. You could even call these goals, but i dont want to label it with business speak, which is something i did to everything for 3 years at uni.
I wanted to have formal education in IT/computers.
I wanted to work in the IT world
I wanted to work in the IT world where you actually make a slight difference on people.
The education/working in IT world are basically completed. I never thought how quick they would come. Its was crazy how quick. 6months after making that decision it happened. I felt it came down to that i had made the right decision and the decision meant for me. I had made a hobby into a job, for starters a lot of people never even get that far.
Still there are 2 more 'goals' i need in this area. These are to complete my Diploma (part-time) and to then complete a Bachelors of Technology. I need a degree in IT for people to take me seriously. I dont really even care about that really, I just feel its the thing that i want, for no other reason other then thats what i want. cop that. I might of repeated myself there.
So fuck. Now I want to work in an IT company which makes a slight difference to how people live. Does that mean google? DOD? which companies do that? Ill put it on paper now that i want to be the CIO of a government organisation like ausaid. Maybe not the CIO but a senior manager in tech for a company like that.
You have to blend what you feel is right to the society you have been brought up in. Well maybe not for all people, but thats what i feel like i must do. Since travelling, I realize i cant not change the world for everyone. Be that a realization or something. But what I can do, as I come from such a fortunate background, is do what i can whilst doing something which I like, which is IT. So thats my direction, thats my motivation, thats my area, thats my mission, thats my right of way, thats my truth, thats me.
!SPACE:>
Lately i have been thinking about past relationships, past people, past everything. It has actually been getting to me a bit. Not sure why now. Maybe because I've been a bit of a pit or something. I feel i can do more, just i need more inspiration ....more of something. Cant get distracted. Dont want to get distracted. Just me, its just me in here. Solid. Firm. Me. Dont want anyone else....but then you do sometimes need someone else and that my friends in the catch 22. Well maybe you dont. But i am a sucker. Not sure. Hmm.. Sometimes it makes sense.
So yeah ive been thinking about past relationships about if i have change, if they have changed, how they are going. Its so good to see one of your old partners going so well. Its funny, because im not sure if i can ever read them right or not. But i do feel like they are really becoming themselves....really blossoming for lack of a better word. When your with someone, you see the potential they have and what they can do and its always sad when you do think that you might be holding that person back. It takes a lot to admit your not good for someone else even though you love them more than anything. Now i see them and they are so much freer and so much more themselves than ever before. Sometimes i feel jealous of this, im not sure why? maybe its because thats who you wanted them to be....when you were with them? maybe your just very selfish, but overall you are happy for them. Because they are who they are. And thats what matters.
Im tired. Im going to bed.
nn.
Cloud Control - Bliss Release. .au release. get.it.now.
posted by Joely at 5:35 am
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