so....\...../.....

So i sit here,

listening to good ol' Built to spill.....You in reverse album....the one ive listened to the most.......definitely worth a listen...for anyone.

I quite ridiculously tired. Also im a little sick. Probably from too much partying on thurs-friday nights and weather being a little strange lately. Either way im going to chill for the next couple of nights and relax.

What have i been upto?

I have been spending quite a bit of time with a girl i met last thursday. Shes pretty cool. Its nothing serious and wont be, but i think we both kind of found each other at the right time.....nice to hang out with her and vice-versa i think. Im getting a lot better at being blunt about what i want and dont want in a relationship. And i definitely do not want a girlfriend at this time and not for a long time. She understands that and its the same for her. So its been good for both of us. Its strange because its been cool hanging out because i am totally myself and same with her...its relaxing.

Today at work, being tired and sick, totally de-motivated me and i didnt want to be there. This doesnt happen much to me. Usually im pretty motivated and crusiy, wanting to serve people, meet people, talk to them. But today i avoided them as much as possible. Im going to try and see how i am tomorrow......if im sick tomorrow i wont go to work on tuesday and just relax.

I dont like working when im sick. Some people i guess just have to work even when they are. But i do not...ever...maybe once in my life i have actually taken a sick day off when i wasnt sick. But other then that i am honest about when i am sick and when i am not. Work trusts me too so its ok for both of us.

Other news....

Eugene has moved in...

heehe wasnt quite expecting it to be so quickly. He was going to move a bit of his stuff on saturday but ended up just getting it all done in one day ....so it made sense to move in. He didnt stay sat night, so tonight will be his first evening staying here.

We got a lot of shit done here. My house is basically an MTV cribs house now. Its more bling then ever. He had like a L shaped couch (which is so comfy, more then even my bed) and a big ass tv/ps3/dvd player/amp, so my place is pimped up. Watching digital tv is nuts...i could see Russel crowes moles in a beautiful mind tonight.

So yeah, theres a few things we still need to work out. But i think everything will work out. I might need to store some stuff because now we have quite a few couches / chairs and other bits. I feel kind of strange...living in a place (which was just all my things and a few things of kat's) to a blinged up ....nigga g place. Its not exactly that different...just im not use to all this new stuff.

I dont seem to be able to make my place homely by myself. I guess because here...sydney....chatswood....where i am now..i dont feel that settled. Like i love this place, i love coming home reading the paper, chillin' on the net, sweeping the balcony....all that stuff....but its not home. I dont feel like its my place right now. I still feel in transition. I think thats just my feeling for Australia maybe.

I need to get off my arse. I have been saving a bit, just not this month because i payed all the rent myself. But since eugene has moved in earlier i will get some of that back which helps. I also have to give back the bond to kat and do some of that 'signing lease shit'. Life stuff i guess.

Im quite pooped. I think this post will have quite a few spelling mistakes because im just not on the ball atm.

I did just have a beautiful juicy mango....damn it was brilliant.

Im in a reminiscing mood i guess...

i havent done that for a long time. I need to keep looking after myself, maybe even more so then before. I dont talk to Angela anymore. Ive kind of deleted her from my life...as much as possible. I think need to disconnect, i have for a few months now which has been good for me. I was quite blunt with her last time on msn. I told her everything is fine in sydney and that i did not have much to say to her and for her to leave me alone...and that i wish her the best.

Looking back on our relationship, it was quite intense. I guess im always like that....full steam a head.....pass go, collect 200 and dont stop until your emotionally depleted, bruised and battered. Im going to learn from this one though. Im just too soft i guess. Its fucked up. I dont even know why i am so soft with girls. Maybe too long living at home...havent toughened up enough? Im slowly getting there though. Be it with girls or just life i guess. Slowly but surely. Im a bloody stubborn person sometimes and wont listen to anyone....but i learn from my mistakes....well i try too haha.

plans this week?

get better. I fucken hate being sick. The only good thing about it is that it makes you realise how good it is being healthy.....so i like it for that....but ill admit it im a complete pussy. I get sick and i go into my own world for 2days and then come out better. I can fight of sickness quite well....aslong as i do take days of and rest..eat healthy and dont over do it. The only problem is that life sometimes gets in the way of that. Be it work, xmas parties, and just other shit. But thats what makes you tougher i guess, something like that.

I just started reading 'a thousand splendid suns' ..i think thats the title, from the author of 'kite runner'. The last book i read.....trying to think what it was....oh actually i didnt finish it....that 'a new earth now' i think Eckhart Tolle. I have no idea where the hell it is...it was on my floor last week and now its not there....freaky! so yeah i started this other book which is already more engrossing.

Intimacy. Books are the best for this. Its just so different from film, games anything. You create the world in your head.....you read words...and then imagine what its like in your head unconsciously whilst reading more and more.....

I guess these days.....people just dont have time to imagine....we all get too busy...especially this time of the year then any other. For some it gets quieter towards the end of december but for me it gets busier and busier. I wont have time to think.....not from about mid-december to mid jan. Thats not a bad thing...sometimes its good just to do, to act, to go, to try.......

but sometimes its good to do the opposite too. I guess thats why i love travelling. I dont have distractions.....i have time. I feel i have more time then here. yes things are new...well everything is....but you seem to have more time to think. Be it reading a magazine in the middle of a plaza, watching birds fly and swoop, watching people do their 'day-to-day' things...just like travellers here must see....of me. How strange it is.

Break the daily routine? ....i actually like it.....most of the time.

Australia is a great place. Its good for many things, but most importantly i think its good for:

Work and Education.

I say this, because the level of life here, the amount of time you invest in work and the ROI of this is high. You cna work 5 days, live easily, go out and live confortably.

Education i say too, because as expensive as it is, for someone like me at least i do have the opportunity to it. Some people never have access to education ..or moreover higher education.

So these 2 things i should do. Which i am not.

Work, i should work in a more challenging position.

Study, i should be studying things.

The best thing about working retail lately has been that its motivating me into NOT working retail.

Im very much one of those people who must expierence it in order to learn from it. Some people just know....but i dont, i must have been there, done that...to learn from it.

Ive learnt that much about myself.

Theres still hope.....

nn.