hmm
right now i feel a bit of pressure in my head. Im not sure entirely what it is, but has been with me the last few days.
I have to say i had a good long w/e, met up with some ppls i dont see often had a great dinner in the cross on monday night with Nazila, Melika and Chris which was really good. Had some lamb ribs...and it was just so tender and nice. I think my body really needed it too. I miss home cooking and like proper foods like roasts etc.
I can not wait for this friday. I get to take Grandma and Sandra to melbourne and then we take a bus to Renee's place. Damn im going to kiss lil' zach so much. So good being an uncle, you can play with your nephew as much as you want and then when he starts crying or something you can give him back to his parents LOL. Sounds mean, but its really neat. Def shows i aint ready for kids for quite a while. But when i am i shall try very hard to be a great dad. I think you have to be really really patient and i think Renee and jason both got that down. Haha lil' zach, i dont think hes nearly as cute as he use to be...but i guess i will have to wait and see.
lol right now kat my flat mate is listening to her new favourte band, linkin park ....lol sound so funny in the background.
Anyways, it will be good to get away from Syd for a bit and get some headspace. As much as i try, it is hard to get headspace here. Its not like im flat out with work or anything like that, but there are always things you got to do and when you socialise on weekends it does not leave much time. I think last week and w/e was big because it was a long one and work was very very busy. So i think im just a little overwhelmed.
Been talking to Mali lately which has been cool. Shes so much fun. Its wierd being single again, lots of fun. You can be totally selfish and it just doesnt matter. I know i should be more selfish when im in relationships and i tell myself that everytime, but i never am. Its actually a bad characteristic. I become way to nice and do everything then get overwhelmed and stressed. Happened to me twice now, but i think i am slowly learning....slowly and surely..is what they say i guess.
Being single. Women. Everyday i see beautiful women and i look at them and they look at me. Sometimes you know straight away ..theres some weird kind of connection you cant explain. Its always nice when you look at a stranger right in the eyes and they look back and smile, which makes you smile.
I remember years ago, i was riding down near Cleveland st in the city, just cruising, i think i was visitng marcelle in newtown. Anyways, i was just riding down the st and this girl look at me and i looked at her and she just smiled. Simly smiled. Totally made my day. Such a pleasent little smile and i smiled back. Sometimes i think back at these moments and they make me happy and laugh. There are times when your in your own little world and certain memories for some reason stay in your mind....and make you smile/sad/happy....i guess theres a word for that....reminiscing.
How things with Angela ?
Randomly she sends me msg's on msn. She sent me one the other day saying she felt something was wrong with me..that she could feel me. Strange because it was one of only times i was not actually thinking about her and just enjoying the moment. I dont know why she msg's me though. I guess its nice ? but i feel she just wants to make up for hurting me or something...maybe she feels a little guilty. Im not sure. Eitherway i sent a msg back saying i was fine and thanks for asking.
The getting over stage of my relationships always take a long time. Im not one of those ppl who goes out with someone else to get over the last person. I know this is not me and i know this actually doesnt help me in the long run. Its a sllllowwwwwwww process which took nearly like 2years with rose. Not sure how long this one will take, i dont think as long as that, well i hope not but its going to be a while.
I know i need to concentrate on myself and be selfish and think about nothing else. Its actually really hard for me to do this, im not sure why. Ive always liked helping other people and always thought they would help me. But i know its better for me and the right thing to do, is to help myself because you cant help someone else properly unless you have helped yourself first. I have learnt these things...which is a good thing. Now i just have to put them into practise.
On other news....i think about myself my potential.......about luck.....about aptitude about everything. Its funny, because i know i can do anything. Its quite an amazing feeling that. Knowing i can do anything. Be it, if i wanted to be a teacher, if i wanted to go back to study, if i wanted to work here or there, if i wanted to go overseas, if i wanted to save money, if i wanted to spend money, if i wanted to sleep with lots of different people, if i wanted to get fitter, if i wanted to get fatter...anything.
I am definitely in a lucky position in that sense. Some people never even get to this point. Some people want so much to change their situation but will never be able too? Thats why we are lucky. Its not that life isnt hard, its not that we cant, its that we choose not too, most of the time.
Australia really is lucky. If you educated and determined, you really can do anything.
I will always be grateful knowing this. Grateful that i got an education, grateful that i was fortunate enough to grow up in a loving family, grateful enough for everything. I think a lot of us loose that prospective on a day-to-day basis. I know i do sometimes too, i think i keep it real though. I do not get stressed too easily with workplaces...and stuff...relationships yes...but work places not really. I dont think it really ever phases me as much as most, that kind of stuff. People are the most important thing to me hence that stressing me the most. Yes workplaces have people but its ordered stress and can be done and really its not that important? If it cant be done, it cant be done...the importance of keeping a level head and not stressing OTHER people out and ruining their day seems more important. No need to make other people job harder because your having a shit day.
I think this is why people think im very laid back. I guess i am, i try to keep a kind of perspective on things which other people sometimes cant. This could be a skill, im not sure. Maybe i should exploit it more. I think it comes from a sense of being in more extreem situations. Maybe? being in a country you have never been to before, not speaking their language, knowing no-one, finding somewhere to stay, not getting robbed, now thats a real challenge for me. Thats why i love travelling. Thats when i feel im at my best. But thats just me.......
i think time for bed, enough typing for now.
nn
Joel
I have to say i had a good long w/e, met up with some ppls i dont see often had a great dinner in the cross on monday night with Nazila, Melika and Chris which was really good. Had some lamb ribs...and it was just so tender and nice. I think my body really needed it too. I miss home cooking and like proper foods like roasts etc.
I can not wait for this friday. I get to take Grandma and Sandra to melbourne and then we take a bus to Renee's place. Damn im going to kiss lil' zach so much. So good being an uncle, you can play with your nephew as much as you want and then when he starts crying or something you can give him back to his parents LOL. Sounds mean, but its really neat. Def shows i aint ready for kids for quite a while. But when i am i shall try very hard to be a great dad. I think you have to be really really patient and i think Renee and jason both got that down. Haha lil' zach, i dont think hes nearly as cute as he use to be...but i guess i will have to wait and see.
lol right now kat my flat mate is listening to her new favourte band, linkin park ....lol sound so funny in the background.
Anyways, it will be good to get away from Syd for a bit and get some headspace. As much as i try, it is hard to get headspace here. Its not like im flat out with work or anything like that, but there are always things you got to do and when you socialise on weekends it does not leave much time. I think last week and w/e was big because it was a long one and work was very very busy. So i think im just a little overwhelmed.
Been talking to Mali lately which has been cool. Shes so much fun. Its wierd being single again, lots of fun. You can be totally selfish and it just doesnt matter. I know i should be more selfish when im in relationships and i tell myself that everytime, but i never am. Its actually a bad characteristic. I become way to nice and do everything then get overwhelmed and stressed. Happened to me twice now, but i think i am slowly learning....slowly and surely..is what they say i guess.
Being single. Women. Everyday i see beautiful women and i look at them and they look at me. Sometimes you know straight away ..theres some weird kind of connection you cant explain. Its always nice when you look at a stranger right in the eyes and they look back and smile, which makes you smile.
I remember years ago, i was riding down near Cleveland st in the city, just cruising, i think i was visitng marcelle in newtown. Anyways, i was just riding down the st and this girl look at me and i looked at her and she just smiled. Simly smiled. Totally made my day. Such a pleasent little smile and i smiled back. Sometimes i think back at these moments and they make me happy and laugh. There are times when your in your own little world and certain memories for some reason stay in your mind....and make you smile/sad/happy....i guess theres a word for that....reminiscing.
How things with Angela ?
Randomly she sends me msg's on msn. She sent me one the other day saying she felt something was wrong with me..that she could feel me. Strange because it was one of only times i was not actually thinking about her and just enjoying the moment. I dont know why she msg's me though. I guess its nice ? but i feel she just wants to make up for hurting me or something...maybe she feels a little guilty. Im not sure. Eitherway i sent a msg back saying i was fine and thanks for asking.
The getting over stage of my relationships always take a long time. Im not one of those ppl who goes out with someone else to get over the last person. I know this is not me and i know this actually doesnt help me in the long run. Its a sllllowwwwwwww process which took nearly like 2years with rose. Not sure how long this one will take, i dont think as long as that, well i hope not but its going to be a while.
I know i need to concentrate on myself and be selfish and think about nothing else. Its actually really hard for me to do this, im not sure why. Ive always liked helping other people and always thought they would help me. But i know its better for me and the right thing to do, is to help myself because you cant help someone else properly unless you have helped yourself first. I have learnt these things...which is a good thing. Now i just have to put them into practise.
On other news....i think about myself my potential.......about luck.....about aptitude about everything. Its funny, because i know i can do anything. Its quite an amazing feeling that. Knowing i can do anything. Be it, if i wanted to be a teacher, if i wanted to go back to study, if i wanted to work here or there, if i wanted to go overseas, if i wanted to save money, if i wanted to spend money, if i wanted to sleep with lots of different people, if i wanted to get fitter, if i wanted to get fatter...anything.
I am definitely in a lucky position in that sense. Some people never even get to this point. Some people want so much to change their situation but will never be able too? Thats why we are lucky. Its not that life isnt hard, its not that we cant, its that we choose not too, most of the time.
Australia really is lucky. If you educated and determined, you really can do anything.
I will always be grateful knowing this. Grateful that i got an education, grateful that i was fortunate enough to grow up in a loving family, grateful enough for everything. I think a lot of us loose that prospective on a day-to-day basis. I know i do sometimes too, i think i keep it real though. I do not get stressed too easily with workplaces...and stuff...relationships yes...but work places not really. I dont think it really ever phases me as much as most, that kind of stuff. People are the most important thing to me hence that stressing me the most. Yes workplaces have people but its ordered stress and can be done and really its not that important? If it cant be done, it cant be done...the importance of keeping a level head and not stressing OTHER people out and ruining their day seems more important. No need to make other people job harder because your having a shit day.
I think this is why people think im very laid back. I guess i am, i try to keep a kind of perspective on things which other people sometimes cant. This could be a skill, im not sure. Maybe i should exploit it more. I think it comes from a sense of being in more extreem situations. Maybe? being in a country you have never been to before, not speaking their language, knowing no-one, finding somewhere to stay, not getting robbed, now thats a real challenge for me. Thats why i love travelling. Thats when i feel im at my best. But thats just me.......
i think time for bed, enough typing for now.
nn
Joel
posted by Joely at 5:23 am
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