Hmm cant really get to sleep tonight, its about 2am and i got the laptop out as i thought imight type a bit, maybe make me more tired so i can sleep. I guess one reason i cant sleep is because i really didnt do to much today or yesterday technically. Lazed around and got uplate, i guess thats why your reading this right now.
So ive been reminicing again, but its probaly a good thing, not to be ashamed of what you think no matter how wierd it is. So you guessed it thinking about the past. How different i was, how different it was. It feels like it is this entire world away....long long away.Like even another lifetime or something like that.
I was thinking about the first time i came to wagga after moving back from Perth. I had been there 3months in total, give or take 1 or two days. Hehe you see i kept track of everyday i was there and the exact date i would be coming home. Its in my diary from last year but i think it was like the 27th of march was my official last day at work. I couldnt wait to come home, i missedit alot but i missed rosie the most. I remeber i flew home and maybe stayed there 48hours. I think i flew in on a monday and just felt totally out of place, i didnt belong in sydney. Maybe cause i had been away for the past 3months and hadnt settled in but more importantly i think it was because i yerned to be with rosie again. I wanted to be where she was. So after 2 days, on the wednesday i decided to drive to wagga without giving her any warning. I think the plan was i would wait a weekor more until she had some time off or something along those lines. But i couldnt wait, i wouldnt wait i wouldnt let anything get in between. So off i drove to wagga..i decided pretty late in the day and just told mum and dad i need the car for a short time. I started to drive to wagga prob about 5 or so as i know it was pitch dark by the time i arrived. I remember in vivid detail exactly what happened. I remember after driving into an open field and doing a 360 and realising i had turned into the wrong gate and that rosie could see in the distance a car doing circles in the next field, i finially found her driveway and place and got there. I got out of the car and she was waiting behind her fence. Her fence had a swinging gate and i opened it and she was standing right there. Asoon as i touched her i started to cry. I was just so happy to see her more then she could ever imagine. I remember i held her right then and there i had my handson her hips, the smell of her hair and a shadow over her neck and shoulders i thought to myslef i wouldnt let anything get in the way again, not another silly job, not a 500km drive, not anything. I had basically decided, i guess subconciously, that i would move to wagga..without my brain actually thinking about it..mentally...if that makes sense. I remember saying to her that i loved her and she said that i shouldnt be crying hehe, in a nice way.
So just another story from the past. I also remember many times thinking and this might soundreally strange, thanking god i had found someone. Someone to look after. I remember in perth,when the family i was staying with the MacLeods would always ask me about rosie and just general life stuff. I use to always think that i wouldnt let this one go...this ones to good to let go. Sounds a bit funny...or not even serious when i type that 'not let this one go', hehe sounds like aussie slang or something but i dont mean it in that way at all. You know how some people wont let an opportunity slip? Well same kinda thing is what i mean by saying that.
I remember, once when she was lying on my lap, we were just watching a movie or tv at her house and i would look up at the ceiling light and again i thanked god for everything. Its funny cause i dont usually thank god for like anything. Dont get me wrong i believe in a high being or something like that, but not like the god etc. more along the spiritual line i guess. I dont know why i did thank god really. It was like i was in this little bubble of love or my own little world. I do miss this sometimes.
It definately makes me cry thinking about these specific times. Not ashamed to say it. Sometimes i cry because i think about how happy i was at these times, sometimes i cry because i miss these times, sometimes i cry because i believe everyone has some type of yerning to share themselves with someone else completely.
Though this is not probaly best for me away for a while...or a long time. I know how i get ive said it all before. Probaly at this stage in mylife its not the best thing for me, to get involved. I guess this is really just time for me, myself. Selfish time i guess. But then again you can never know whats going to happen in the future and i dont think i would ever want to know.
Anyways i should get some sleep have a good day/night.
me.
So ive been reminicing again, but its probaly a good thing, not to be ashamed of what you think no matter how wierd it is. So you guessed it thinking about the past. How different i was, how different it was. It feels like it is this entire world away....long long away.Like even another lifetime or something like that.
I was thinking about the first time i came to wagga after moving back from Perth. I had been there 3months in total, give or take 1 or two days. Hehe you see i kept track of everyday i was there and the exact date i would be coming home. Its in my diary from last year but i think it was like the 27th of march was my official last day at work. I couldnt wait to come home, i missedit alot but i missed rosie the most. I remeber i flew home and maybe stayed there 48hours. I think i flew in on a monday and just felt totally out of place, i didnt belong in sydney. Maybe cause i had been away for the past 3months and hadnt settled in but more importantly i think it was because i yerned to be with rosie again. I wanted to be where she was. So after 2 days, on the wednesday i decided to drive to wagga without giving her any warning. I think the plan was i would wait a weekor more until she had some time off or something along those lines. But i couldnt wait, i wouldnt wait i wouldnt let anything get in between. So off i drove to wagga..i decided pretty late in the day and just told mum and dad i need the car for a short time. I started to drive to wagga prob about 5 or so as i know it was pitch dark by the time i arrived. I remember in vivid detail exactly what happened. I remember after driving into an open field and doing a 360 and realising i had turned into the wrong gate and that rosie could see in the distance a car doing circles in the next field, i finially found her driveway and place and got there. I got out of the car and she was waiting behind her fence. Her fence had a swinging gate and i opened it and she was standing right there. Asoon as i touched her i started to cry. I was just so happy to see her more then she could ever imagine. I remember i held her right then and there i had my handson her hips, the smell of her hair and a shadow over her neck and shoulders i thought to myslef i wouldnt let anything get in the way again, not another silly job, not a 500km drive, not anything. I had basically decided, i guess subconciously, that i would move to wagga..without my brain actually thinking about it..mentally...if that makes sense. I remember saying to her that i loved her and she said that i shouldnt be crying hehe, in a nice way.
So just another story from the past. I also remember many times thinking and this might soundreally strange, thanking god i had found someone. Someone to look after. I remember in perth,when the family i was staying with the MacLeods would always ask me about rosie and just general life stuff. I use to always think that i wouldnt let this one go...this ones to good to let go. Sounds a bit funny...or not even serious when i type that 'not let this one go', hehe sounds like aussie slang or something but i dont mean it in that way at all. You know how some people wont let an opportunity slip? Well same kinda thing is what i mean by saying that.
I remember, once when she was lying on my lap, we were just watching a movie or tv at her house and i would look up at the ceiling light and again i thanked god for everything. Its funny cause i dont usually thank god for like anything. Dont get me wrong i believe in a high being or something like that, but not like the god etc. more along the spiritual line i guess. I dont know why i did thank god really. It was like i was in this little bubble of love or my own little world. I do miss this sometimes.
It definately makes me cry thinking about these specific times. Not ashamed to say it. Sometimes i cry because i think about how happy i was at these times, sometimes i cry because i miss these times, sometimes i cry because i believe everyone has some type of yerning to share themselves with someone else completely.
Though this is not probaly best for me away for a while...or a long time. I know how i get ive said it all before. Probaly at this stage in mylife its not the best thing for me, to get involved. I guess this is really just time for me, myself. Selfish time i guess. But then again you can never know whats going to happen in the future and i dont think i would ever want to know.
Anyways i should get some sleep have a good day/night.
me.
posted by Joely at 2:18 am
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