geez get some rest boy.
So, sometimes you just cant go to sleep cause i have all these things flying around in your head. Whilst attempting to get to sleep i had the funniest memories of a dream i had the night before it was so random lol and semi rude. I was like with a friend of mine from uni - judy, she was heaps cool and like (geez i cant believe im saying this it just shows how much of a nerd i am) ripping porno dvds for some reason, and like there was something to do with a 45mbit ts site hosted at a gym (if that makes no sense ur not a internet nerd). Anyways haha are it was so random and funny eheh, make me giggle.
So yeah ...i was trying to get to sleep ....but the brain works in funny ways...not even women can describe it i guess. This post is going to be scattered cause im a bit out of it too from being half asleep. Anyways i was trying to have an early night tonight as i wanted tomorrow to be a productive day. have a few things to do like get passport photo maybe meet up with hadas/matt in city and say bye before they head and also pick up the car. i wrote a list of what i had to do..now where the hell did i put it!
SO yeah..again...why am i at the computer when i was meant to be getting some sleep. listening to emiliana.t again damn her and her nice calming yet disturbing lyrics and voice!!!!. Yeh well i started to think of a really deep/old memory of rose and i. believe it or not it was the first time we were completely intimate. Now i wasnt thinking of it in that way at all. I was just thinking about how i had never been with someone like that before. Sure i had had sex with people before rose for what ever reasons but nothing like that. I remember after it......i just cuddled rose and kissed her so litely on her face (im crying right now).....i miss that....i miss kissing her face..nice face to kiss! but yeh are.....
i dont even know why i typed that when i was upstairs about to sleeep i had so much to say....i guess i was thinking about being with someone again or actually not wanting to be with anyone really. Atm i just dont want to be with anyone. i still want to be selfish. sure i have moments when i think of certain times...though they havent been as regular as i thought they would be....maybe cause i am blocking them out. Im not too sure. It just feels i should be in some way. Be the whole male non-emotional people. Everyone always talks about how women are just more emotional then men. Thats obviously a generalisation as i know quite a few guys who are very emotional and have mood swings and shit. I know i dont have too many of them...but sometimes i do get pretty damn emotional (im sure someone might disagree on the mood swings ehe). I use to be heaps emotional.....i think even a little too much. Im not sure about that either like.....i felt i was too insecure or emotional..but i always felt that the other person would know this or help you with this. Is it a fault? not sure about that one either. I guess thats why i think about being with someone who thinks the same as you whilst in love. I dont know if that makes sense......
whilst in bed i was thinking about a scenario or question like the following one (this in know way relates to a certain situation or anything its just a scenario). Now lets set the scene a little....you are going out with someone...your in 'love' or something close to it. Now your in bed together sleeping.....that person is laying on you and ur not in the most comfortable position. Like they are leaning on you alot and ur arm/whatever is starting to hurt. Do you;
1. wake the person up and get them too move
2. take ur arm away and accidently/might wake them up anyway
3. just lay there any let your arm hurt, who cares!
now i know this little question/scenario sounds really farkn crap. But i dont really care what u think about it, what i care about is your response to it. I really would like ppl to leave a comment (if anyone bloody reads this besides you rosie heehe). Anonymous comment i dont really care, just a comment. As many questionaries state 'there is no wrong answer' so dont be afraid. Please.
What option would i take.....well of corse number 3. but when i think about it...like logically......and i guess others would think about it...if you were the person laying on there arm you wouldnt want them to be hurting, so you would like them to wake you up and make sure their comfortable. endless posibilities! think hard lol
Does this little crappy experiement relate to my relation with rose in anyway? well not really...it has to do more with what i have found out about myself in a relationship. Like i know when i was in love that i wouldnt give 2 shits about my arm being uncomfortable...but it seems that like for some reason i should. I should be more logical about it...it seems that somehow society pressures you into this reason. I guess that stems from society trying to be logical in some way.....i dont know. Maybe its just because people love differently and express their ways differently. No way is right...no way is wrong...its just how it is. who are you?
Sometimes i really do think my life is a mess atm. Like seriously, ive never been in this situation before. Im usually pretty organised. Like upstairs everythings a mess, my room still aint sorted, clothes are everywhere, the bed im sleeping on still doesnt have any sheets/doonar covers/pillow keys (so it still has that heavenly white look). Shit is all over the ground in my room too. Down here near the computer.....well the computer area is pretty clean im happy about that. But i have so many things hanging up to dry on the clothes rack and stuff. Everything is everywhere but i still manage to go through days pretty well. I still have heaps of fun with friends...specially roo lately. I seem to do so many things....yet not really get anywhere.
It feels kinda like i can see the door/light at the end of the tunnel, but i just dont want to get through or the door is a little too small for me. Whats that mean? who knows make something out of it i guess.
i feel i have heaps more things to say...i just cant think of them...the old.....stage fright syndrome or something? I could so easily just get distracted...i guess thats kinda one thing which is totally upto urself. You get distracted only if you want too can stop that one too. I guess im not ready to do anything atm. I just need time....good old fashioned time....what does time actually do? well who really knows...does it really even exist......is it made up my us? oh well deep philosophical question which one day will be answered...or have they already in Conversations with God? oooo who knows.....now im just going a little whacky i think. maybe its time to actually go to sleep. i guess so nothing more to blabble on about.
peace.
So yeah ...i was trying to get to sleep ....but the brain works in funny ways...not even women can describe it i guess. This post is going to be scattered cause im a bit out of it too from being half asleep. Anyways i was trying to have an early night tonight as i wanted tomorrow to be a productive day. have a few things to do like get passport photo maybe meet up with hadas/matt in city and say bye before they head and also pick up the car. i wrote a list of what i had to do..now where the hell did i put it!
SO yeah..again...why am i at the computer when i was meant to be getting some sleep. listening to emiliana.t again damn her and her nice calming yet disturbing lyrics and voice!!!!. Yeh well i started to think of a really deep/old memory of rose and i. believe it or not it was the first time we were completely intimate. Now i wasnt thinking of it in that way at all. I was just thinking about how i had never been with someone like that before. Sure i had had sex with people before rose for what ever reasons but nothing like that. I remember after it......i just cuddled rose and kissed her so litely on her face (im crying right now).....i miss that....i miss kissing her face..nice face to kiss! but yeh are.....
i dont even know why i typed that when i was upstairs about to sleeep i had so much to say....i guess i was thinking about being with someone again or actually not wanting to be with anyone really. Atm i just dont want to be with anyone. i still want to be selfish. sure i have moments when i think of certain times...though they havent been as regular as i thought they would be....maybe cause i am blocking them out. Im not too sure. It just feels i should be in some way. Be the whole male non-emotional people. Everyone always talks about how women are just more emotional then men. Thats obviously a generalisation as i know quite a few guys who are very emotional and have mood swings and shit. I know i dont have too many of them...but sometimes i do get pretty damn emotional (im sure someone might disagree on the mood swings ehe). I use to be heaps emotional.....i think even a little too much. Im not sure about that either like.....i felt i was too insecure or emotional..but i always felt that the other person would know this or help you with this. Is it a fault? not sure about that one either. I guess thats why i think about being with someone who thinks the same as you whilst in love. I dont know if that makes sense......
whilst in bed i was thinking about a scenario or question like the following one (this in know way relates to a certain situation or anything its just a scenario). Now lets set the scene a little....you are going out with someone...your in 'love' or something close to it. Now your in bed together sleeping.....that person is laying on you and ur not in the most comfortable position. Like they are leaning on you alot and ur arm/whatever is starting to hurt. Do you;
1. wake the person up and get them too move
2. take ur arm away and accidently/might wake them up anyway
3. just lay there any let your arm hurt, who cares!
now i know this little question/scenario sounds really farkn crap. But i dont really care what u think about it, what i care about is your response to it. I really would like ppl to leave a comment (if anyone bloody reads this besides you rosie heehe). Anonymous comment i dont really care, just a comment. As many questionaries state 'there is no wrong answer' so dont be afraid. Please.
What option would i take.....well of corse number 3. but when i think about it...like logically......and i guess others would think about it...if you were the person laying on there arm you wouldnt want them to be hurting, so you would like them to wake you up and make sure their comfortable. endless posibilities! think hard lol
Does this little crappy experiement relate to my relation with rose in anyway? well not really...it has to do more with what i have found out about myself in a relationship. Like i know when i was in love that i wouldnt give 2 shits about my arm being uncomfortable...but it seems that like for some reason i should. I should be more logical about it...it seems that somehow society pressures you into this reason. I guess that stems from society trying to be logical in some way.....i dont know. Maybe its just because people love differently and express their ways differently. No way is right...no way is wrong...its just how it is. who are you?
Sometimes i really do think my life is a mess atm. Like seriously, ive never been in this situation before. Im usually pretty organised. Like upstairs everythings a mess, my room still aint sorted, clothes are everywhere, the bed im sleeping on still doesnt have any sheets/doonar covers/pillow keys (so it still has that heavenly white look). Shit is all over the ground in my room too. Down here near the computer.....well the computer area is pretty clean im happy about that. But i have so many things hanging up to dry on the clothes rack and stuff. Everything is everywhere but i still manage to go through days pretty well. I still have heaps of fun with friends...specially roo lately. I seem to do so many things....yet not really get anywhere.
It feels kinda like i can see the door/light at the end of the tunnel, but i just dont want to get through or the door is a little too small for me. Whats that mean? who knows make something out of it i guess.
i feel i have heaps more things to say...i just cant think of them...the old.....stage fright syndrome or something? I could so easily just get distracted...i guess thats kinda one thing which is totally upto urself. You get distracted only if you want too can stop that one too. I guess im not ready to do anything atm. I just need time....good old fashioned time....what does time actually do? well who really knows...does it really even exist......is it made up my us? oh well deep philosophical question which one day will be answered...or have they already in Conversations with God? oooo who knows.....now im just going a little whacky i think. maybe its time to actually go to sleep. i guess so nothing more to blabble on about.
peace.
posted by Joely at 6:23 am
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