Begone foolish squirm

So,
I havent blogged properly in ages. I cant really even remember exactly what i have been doing the last few days. All i know i have done quite a bit, and not too much reflecting. I really hate the work reflecting, you know why? Well the story is.....1st year uni, our course had this flippin' subject called "Adult Learning in the workplace". The subject was way to advanced for us first years. 90% of the students really didnt like it cause, we always had to keep a reflective journal, and reflect on this and that. Now i look back on it....if they did that subject in year 3 it would of be alot more beneficial. Anyway we had a lecturer called Jan and she was famous for saying "Closer, closer" to anyone who was presenting. Was hell funny...ben does the best voice for it. As you know, or if u dont, 1st year at uni all you want to do is have lots and lots of fun. So trying to teach a class full of 19year olds to reflect on shite is not too helpful. But because of this whenever i see the word reflect or asked to reflect it automatically triggers me to think about that class. The best thing which happened outta that class was that all of us complained about it and i think it got changed to another year and teacher :\.

So so so, where to begin. I feel a little overwhelmed im use to posting stuff everyday and i have just been damn lazy. Or i could use that excuse i've had so much on and no time, but whenever someone says that its total BS. No matter what there doing. There is always time, dont gimme that shit that u have no time. Yeah mabye for 1 day...and maybe if u have a thesis due....but still i rek0n there is time, its just an excuse saying theres not.

So ill start by just recapping stuff i've done since last week. Well i posted before about the owenell stuff. So here is one of the photo's...there are heaps of others, lots in black and white which look cool too, but i cant post everything can i?

The most exciting thing i probaly did lately was see decoder ring @ the metro on george st. Was a really good gig. They played mainly from their new cd, which i havent listened to the most but they also played a few from the OST they did and then finished with stuff from the first album, which is my favourite. The first track from that album is so good (welcome shoppers). When they played it live they had visuals of wild brumbies on screen and they are very beautiful creatures, so strong and yet they seem to move so smoothly too. After that, steve, sareh and I headed to T2 on oxford st. I had never been there before so i was more then happy to go. Hehe was quite an experience, i spent some time dancing, sometime playing the pokies and sometime talking to the convience store dude called Chris. He was chinese and had been working at the shop for about 4weeks, and wasnt enjoying it too much. He said he didnt feel to safe and didnt like the hours very much. He had a degree in accountancy and did account 3 days during the week and only worked at the shop for the w/e. He lived in pyrmont near the channel 10 place, and another reason for working at the shop was to pay back the 4grand debt he racked up at the casino. Hehe he was pretty laid back about the debt and not too frustrated, he was a very interesting guy. Was talking to him about if he enjoyed Australia and if he is going to go back to China. He said he wanted too as he could get a better job there as he had some contacts. Anyway the reason i went to the shop was to get a Killer Python but because i talked to Chris for so long i ended up buying so many sweets which included a Maxibon, Toffee Apple bar (ones like the redskins), a jelly coke bottle and i think thats all. Heheh was all good, except i had a sugar overdose and my stomach made many wierd sounds when i got home and hopped into bed.

Cant believe ur reading this can you? eheh. Anyway the next night i just chilled out and stayed at home and looked at Matt's computer which he brought over. I also finially watch the anime called Ninja Scroll. I didnt like it as much as Ghost in the Shell, as the i didnt feel the story was as interesting...but i asked my brother tonight why it was such a classic, and he said it is over 10years old and that it had some really good background depth in the animation. I didnt notice this too much, but i can see how 10 years ago it would of been original. The other thing which kind of took me by suprise was the adult-themes ie sex scenes in it. Some of them were quite explicit, but i guess i like how they do put this kinda stuff in the anime, like in normal films its taken seriously and not laughed at.

So saturday night was pretty chill, but i ended up talking to rose on the phone for a few hours before going to bed. I think that was on saturday. Was really good to speak to her, felt like normal......and relaxed. As she said, felt like we hadnt talked in ages so was happy we spoke.

On sunday i mowed all the lawns and did gardening. It was a really nice day finially about 27 and sunny. Got a nice tan in the sun and was good to do something active, especially after basically doing nothing on saturday. After the lawns and picking up heaps of spikies i washed millie (again) 2nd time in 2 weeks, to rid her from the evil fleas and had a shower. Then i decided to go to the city as i couldnt waste the day inside. I took my bike to the city and met up with matt and michael. Chilled in the city with both of them and then matt and i had a beer at darling habour. Was really good to talk to Matt. Hadnt had a good talk to him about everything in yonks and we just spoke about relationships, friends and life in general. Was a really good day, the weather, company and darling habour were perfect. Thats where i took the pics of matt (which should be above). Heehe i dinked him all around pitt st and down to darling habour lots of fun. Whilst at pitt st we went to the cheap cd shop kinda like dirt cheap cds. So many cd's in there i could of bought, i noticed the OST for Koyaanisqatsi. Instantly reminding me of Rosie. If i had some money i would of bought it for her too. It reminded me of how both of us went to the live performance of it at the Operahouse. Well it wasnt actually for Koyaanisqatsi, but the 3rd in the trilogy Naqoyqatsi. This means "Life as War". All the score's for them are composed by Philip Glass, and they all three in the trilogy are visual montage's of specific themes. It was a good night, i remember it was for her birthday if i remember correctly. I was not about to type this but, for some reason i remember rosie being late or something, i was meant to meet her at work but something happened not to sure what it was, dont know why i remember that bit but for some reason it puts a tiny slight negative memory on it. Dont get me wrong it was an awesome night...... but i dont even know why that came to mind. wierd. Maybe its the state of mind im in now...it seems that im like focusing on bad stuff or something i dont know. I wasnt going to type that but fuck it, its my blog, the truth sets you free!

Anyway, was a really good night, after watching it we strolled around circular quay for a while soaking in the atmosphere. It was a really warm night and so there were lots of people strolling around. I remember we stopped and sat down just past the opera bar and had a perfect viewing of the habour. Looked splendid. I remember that moment being one of many which i was totally happy, its seems quite a while ago now. There are many other times too. Today i cried a bit. This afternoon i put on the OST for eternal sunshine for the spotless mind. It again reminded of a specific memory which was very clear. Dammit my keyboard i swear is running out of batteries lol, what a time too, its hard to type quickly as its being retarted and i have to press everything twice. Flip first time in like 2years it needs to be replaced and it happens right now heeh, funny. I guess i have typed a bit, brb i got some new double A's somewhere upstairs. arhh there are some right in this draw next to me sweet, not too much trouble at all. Ok back. Back to me puttin on that cd. I dont know why i put it on. I felt like some nice relaxing....i guess if had the emiliana cd upstairs i would of put that on too (im listening to that one why typing this one). Asoon as i put it on, i just say on the chair and cried. It reminded me of on the nights before i was leaving too Perth. We watched the movie at rosie's house. Awesome movie, but i remember it ending and i was lying on a pillow of her lap. And i started to cry, i didnt want to go to Perth, i felt SO right being there lying on her. Nothing in me wanted to go, i just wanted to spend my time with Rose and lay with her there forever. Maybe i shouldnt of gone too Perth, i guess i will never know. Maybe it would of been better for me to stay in sydney with Rose, i know she got pretty down whilst i was gone. I dont know if it was all because of me, i dont think it was, but im sure alot of it was. Though if i didnt go to Perth.....i would of felt like i missed an opportunity. I remember........that because of Perth it made me realise how much i missed Rosie and it made me put certain things in perspective or importance. Being in Perth made me put Rosie as my most important thing in my life. I remember thinking that i would never ever again put work before her, i would put nothing...NOTHING. Maybe that was not a good way to think, it reminded me of Ben Lee's CD gamble everything for live...and you'll be alright. Well...i guess i felt i was going to do that......but it looks like everything s not going to be alright. Or maybe it is in the big picture....time will tell...yeah it always does. I suppose the relationship with rose allowed me to see what kind of person i am in a relationship, the all or nothing.......the over the top do anything fool. I guess i have to accept thats just how i am in relationships. I guess thats why i think i dont want to be in a relationship like that again. Not now. I wonder about being in a relationship with someone who also thinks that way. I could be totally overwhelming......and not work at all, but then theres this glimmer of hope or something inside me that thinks that it will, and that i will meet someone like that. But then i think i shouldnt be thinking like that. Or not want anything from that, i dont know. I just dont. So Joel what have u learnt. I have learnt that im a bit over the top......i still think thats a good thing though....i have learnt that to me relationships can be the greatest thing in the world and also not. I feel..............relationships are worth a shot. This reminds me of rosie's blog the other day about her wanting to love again. I do miss that too. I even think i totally understand her...wanting to love again....and no specifically something or someone....but just love. It gave me the greatest freedom i have ever felt...the best, greatest, fuckin amazing feeling. I do want to feel that again...some day. I guess it looks as though im scared of love again to others. But i dont think im am. I just realised how i am in love....and that....maybe i shoudlnt think about or that love can be everything and all. I want too, but i know i shouldnt. I should concentrate on other stuff....not be such a fool. Not because you can get hurt.......but because.....you need to concentrate on yourself.....on doing everything you want to do. I know what loves means to me .....and i dont want it right now.


Wow i got a bit side tracked there didnt I, i guess you cant plan whats going into ur mind. I m a bit exhausted right now. I feel i had so much more to type. But atm i cant, geez i wish the computer was wired to my head....just before i go to bed cause damn, this blog would probaly make alot more sense and i would post heaps big...well posts.

So enoughs enough for now....ill post again...i guess.

damn i want something sweet.

night and enjoy the pictures.